And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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