how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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