...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
