ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
