i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
