she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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