Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
