remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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