90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
