Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
