Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
