Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
