Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
