Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
