I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
