I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
