what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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