wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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