she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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