You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
