Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
