I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
