you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
