I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
