I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
