nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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