my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
