oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
