I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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