dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
