This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
