i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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