OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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