Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
