.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
