she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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