just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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