You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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