Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
