Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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