I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
