I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Randomize
