Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
