Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
