Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
