I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
