do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
