Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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