I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
