hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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