if i can run in heels then i can drive
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
