____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
