The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
