I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
