There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
